You vs You

Once in a while, I go back and read my previous blog posts. More often that not, I feel good reading them. It gives me a peek into what was some of my "top of mind" thoughts at that time. Ideally, if I have been writing often, at least say once a month, this exercise would have been even more useful. Nevertheless, today was one of those days when I revisited my blog. The one that caught my eye today was one of my recent ones - Creation Vs Consumption. As I read that post, I took a step back to see if I have made any progress at all in this dimension over the last year. Coincidentally, that post was written exactly a year back (So much for this being a recent one). And I have to report that the answer is zero; absolutely no progress. I am still consuming way more than what I am producing. This is even after I include my physical activities and the time that I spend doing seemingly productive things at work (which itself is highly questionable) in the productivity list. Which just confirms my favourite quote - "Knowing is not doing".

Why do we fall back into our old habits and ways of doing so quickly? Tons of self-help authors, neuroscientists and their ilk have made their millions postulating theories and solutions. As always, the only people who have benefited from those self-help books, articles and podcasts are the authors themselves. All of them just have creative ways of expressing the same idea. If one is not intrinsically motivated, none of these external tips and tricks will help. I have wasted my fair share of time listening to these, fully knowing that nothing will come out of it. It is a good excuse for not doing anything. I know the answer well enough.

For me, I thrive in comfort zone. I am at my creative best when it comes to inventing all sorts of excuses, primarily in the realm of contentment and simple living, to avoid putting myself through pain, hard work and going through the grind. I will do the minimum required to coast along, either in work or in personal life. While it is a good idea to not compare yourself against others, I conveniently extend the "others" to include myself. It is clear to my rational mind that it is imperative that you compare yourself with your yesterday's self and evaluate if you have made progress in the key metrics that you have identified for yourself. Alas, I erroneously (and consciously) apply the "Don't compare" philosophy to even myself and wallow in mediocrity. 

I know what to do and what is the right thing to do, I just do not know how to discipline myself to doing what I know must be done for my own good. Going back to the creation vs consumption, it is clear that creation, while is hard work and painful at that time, gives much happiness in both the medium and long term. That I like reading my past blog posts is a testament to this. However, that has not been enough to make me write more. 

As I look at ways to escape this mediocrity pit, I remind myself that there is one aspect of my life where I have not fallen into this "take-it-easy" trap. This is my running. I still wake up early for my runs. Intervals and tempos, while euphoric after completion, are total torture during the activity. I still manage to do it. I believe there are two main reasons for this. One is that I have a fantastic running group with a great set of folks who motivate each other. The other is that we have a great routine and a well defined process. Tuesdays are intervals, Thursdays are tempos, Saturdays are long runs and so on. Week over week. The mind somehow reconciles to the fact that this is how it is going to be. All the great stoic masters have said the same thing - process and routine triumphs will power and desire.

I need to try and force myself to a routine for the other things in life. It is not going to be easy, but if at all there is any hope for me to get out of this rut, it is this.  And by posting this blog and committing myself publicly, I am hoping that I will formulate a routine that will work and I  make steady progress in my own self-improvement journey. I will report back in a few months and see if this is just another exercise in futility or if I actually did make progress.

As the wise say, time will tell.